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A Dog’s Eye View: You Ate What???

I created an online survey where people told me the strangest things their dog has eaten and not make himself (or herself) sick. The following list has me convinced me we are all surrounded by Bad Dogs to such a degree, that when my major policy renewal season is over at the insurance agency, I may just start petitioning the State Legislature to make Chronic Bad Dog Syndrome (CBDS) an ailment worthy of allowing me to obtain an ADA placard for my car, and maybe install some sirens and flashing lights. Simply because when I need to get to the emergency vet, I need to get in there RIGHT NOW, and really, really need the closest parking space in order to minimize distance to their front door.  

Thanks to my dedicated fans, Phoenix is not alone. When he was a puppy, he digested one of those fireplace starter logs. My son was horrified. My husband was beyond furious. A phone call to an emergency “hotline” finally told us (after extorting $400.00 from our credit card, which was a required act prior to getting the information) that we should feed him over-the-counter Omezaprole for a week, and he should be just fine. If he’s starts acting strange, we were advised in a very somber tone, then we should take him to a licensed veterinarian. Immediately.

Picture the following scenario:

My husband, on the telephone, with clenched teeth: “Define “strange”. This dog just willingly ATE A CHEMICAL FIREPLACE LOG!”

Emergency operator: “That will be another $240.00, please”

My Husband, teeth are still clenched, and fists are starting to form on his feet: (insert bad words here).

Needless to say, Phoenix was fine. And he went on to eat a live parakeet, a drill bit, stuffing from numerous quilts and pillows, and a bottle of Betta fish food. The list goes on. Nine years later, his vet still gives us stern warnings about his weight. We tell her he’s just fluffy. She knows we are lying.

So here’s the list of what Bad Dogs will voluntarily put into their mouths and digestive systems:

  • The mouse he caught and killed. I thought he was eating a dust ball.
  • My dog once had a mouse run into his mouth and he swallowed it live. EWWWW.
  • A tube of bitter apple I had to keep the bunny from chewing.
  • My dog chewed the bottle to the “no chew” spray and washed it down with a bottle of peroxide.
  • About 15 years ago my Chocolate Lab ate a lightbulb! Only part that was left was the metal screw in part. Thankfully she must have chewed it well cause she passed the glass with no issues and didn’t get sick at all. God blessed her back then.
  • Our toy Chihuahua ate a whole bag of Hersey kisses chocolate. And a few pieces of Decon mouse poison off the floor.
  • My dog stole a Lindt peppermint white chocolate truffle at Christmas. She now begs for white chocolate as if it’s a raw steak.
  • Sammy ate 2 entire bags of cough drops, bags and all. We induced vomiting and they came up, bags still fully intact.
  • Socks and underwear.
  • Beau once ate a starfish.
  • A porcelain cup.
  • Triple antibiotic ointment.
  • Books, CDs, DVDs.
  • A $100 bill! But three days later we got it back. It made us sick for three days.
  • Raw pizza dough in the plastic bag – the whole thing! Also ate a box of chocolate fudge with no ill effect. Hmmm…
  • My puppies got into my son’s school bag and pulled apart a yellow highlighter eating the liquid inside and trying to hurry and chew the rest before caught. I was waiting for glowing poop the next day.
  • Tupperware …lots and lots of Tupperware.
  • The lab I grew up with, Deacon, used to eat those little half-socks called Peds and then poop them out whole. Also he used to eat the “foot” off our Christmas stockings where all the Hershey’s kisses were. That dog ate a ton of chocolate –and GRAPES that we GAVE him! (who knew?) He lived to a ripe old age.
  • My dog ate a pound brick of butter one Christmas as we were baking cookies! He was retching and burping for three days and diarrhea .Took him to the vet and they told us to observe him. I kept teasing him showing him a stick of butter asking him if he wanted more butter and he would back away…so funny! He learned his lesson on that one hasn’t eaten anything off the counter since.
  • I had a large black Doberman-Shepherd-Lab mix who ate a whole raw roast that was thawing on the counter.
  • My Irish Setter as a pup chewed on my TRIO cell phone.
  • He loves to drink my coffee which is cream only.
  • English Bulldog puppy stole and ate a bag full of Macintosh apples…possibly 8 apples.
  • My daughter’s dog ate Crayola crayons and pooped in technicolor for a few days.
  • My Saint Bernard ate 4 Hershey Special Dark bars and then the cushion for the seat in our camper in 5 minutes while we hooked up the water and electric. She never looked at chocolate again she had a very sick stomach.
  • A mattress.
  • A bird wing-came out intact. And the head off a rubber chicken.
  • A pound of Garam Masala. I bought it in bulk at the Indian grocery. It “fell” off the counter -helped along by a cat no doubt. My English mastiff scarfed down the entire bag including the bag itself. Only ill effects were that his breath smelled like Indian food for the next week.
  • My old dog ate a small tube of acrylic blue paint!
  • My dog ate a piece of my couch – stuffing and all. He made a hole and ate the material with no issues.
  • We had a terrier mix who was an absolute terror, she ate: 3 Easter baskets, a couch cushion, rug edging, a dried flower arrangement, and gnawed on a picture frame.
  • My couch, a window frame and door frame.
  • Dog 1: The dashboard of my car, an XL bag of almond M&Ms, a book of matches, a tree stump, Chapstick, a large jar of Vaseline, entire rope toys, my son’s Xmas stocking, a bag of (dried) starfish, much more.
    Dog 2: Her own poop, pebbles, pretty much anything that fits in her mouth.
    Dog 3: Newborn bunnies, a bird, memory foam stuffing from a dog’s bed.
  • I thought mine eating bunny poop was bad.
  • My dog swallowed a live baby bunny whole. It was terrible! He was digging around and pulled a nest of baby bunnies out of the ground. I went to yell “drop it” when a baby bunny was in his mouth but he was too quick. It was so horrible! He looked proud! We put the other baby bunnies back in the hole and did not let him in the back yard for a few months.
  • We had a green ball with nubbins on it. I think it was to soothe teething but my dog ate all the nubbins off and had little bright green dots in her poop. Actually it was the decorative poop that made me realize she ate the nubbins. She also had pooped out parts of plush toys we bought her so we don’t buy those any more. Oh, and our male ate rope which we did not know about until he pooped it out.
  • Nair and disposable razors.
  • Plaster. An old boxer we had would lick the wall like a lollipop and scrape it off with his teeth when it got wet.
  • Socks, a tee shirt, candles.
  • My mouthguard.
  • The arm of Elmo, my son’s favorite stuffed animal.
  • Cat poop. He sneaks out into the garage where the cats litter box is and crouches down and slowly walks towards it because he knows we will yell at him, then grabs the sprinkled covered treat and runs
  • Our dog Tory once ate the whole outside leather of a softball…and it came out all in one piece!
  • My doodles have eaten bottles of beta food, love chomping on cat litter, and frozen dog poop.
  • My pug ate half a carrot cake, complete with icing …on the dining room table.
  • My sister ‘s guide dog ate a whole plate of sugar cookies she was taking to a Christmas party. Another time (same dog) ate a block of jalapeño cheese and the crackers to go with it. She did not get sick either time!
  • Hard to pin down which Jack Russell terrorist ate Barbie. The next day we found a pile of poop with a little hand sticking out like a princess wave. After that, Malibu Barbie was re-named Shark Attack Barbie.
  • I went into Agway after going to Pet Smart, having bought fish food. One of my dogs somehow opened the plastic fish food container and ate some of the fish food for the 5 minutes I was in Agway. I am talking about a Havanese, not some huge dog.
  • I had a carrot cake donut that I bought on the Cape and was taking home to eat later. I was really looking forward to it. We stopped on the way home for a pit stop and when we got back to the car, my dog was in the front seat with his ears perked way up and his eyes looked wildly happy. He ate the donut, the wax paper, and part of the bag that it had been in under my seat.
  • Our 6 month old (at the time) husky swallowed rocks all the time and once chewed open a plastic bottle of melatonin tablets and ate them all. Called animal poison control. They said she might be sleepy but should be okay. She was fine.

 

Apparently, Bad Dogs are very prepared to survive a Zombie Apocalypse or similar circumstance. Bad Dogs are adaptable.  We humans on the other hand will be so traumatized that our local coffee barista did not come to work on day three of said Apocalypse, that we didn’t even notice our left leg is now missing up to the knee. 

 

Long Live Bad Dogs.

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